see what i see.

(Source: fuckyeahweddingideas)

Ben and I got back together on 5 July 2011. I was waiting for his call since the day he got back to Singapore on 2 July 2011.. and when he finally contacted me 3 days later, i was sooo happy! We met at the MRT station, and I remember spotting him from afar. my heart was already beating so fast! I was really excited to meet him. But there was also so much insecurities about our relationship, I was having my doubts. Still, meeting him after 7 months in person was making my heart beat so fast! I remember his initial reaction was to hug me, but I was not receptive to it, as we had “broken up”. So he awkwardly placed his hand on my shoulders to greet me. We went to have dinner at Mad Jack’s but I wasn’t feeling well enough to actually eat anything much. I couldn’t finish my dinner and asked him if he wanted to help me with my food. I guess he sensed how I could naturally ask him to help with my food. Our conversations were getting heated up by the end of the meal. So we decided to leave the mall. I don’t know how, but he got abit cheeky, and started to joke about his hair. It made me laugh, and at that moment when I laughed, he put his arms around my shoulders. He was trying to connect with me again, but I didn’t sense enough sincerity. We walked to the park, and along the way, he made jokes, acted silly to make me laugh and lighten the mood to get my defenses down. I was already starting to melt. He was planting kisses on my cheeks while I was coy. But I couldn’t melt entirely, something was holding me back. We still have not solved our problems. When we sat at the park behind my house and talked about the future or the lack thereof, our doubts and insecurities, it was so painful. Speaking of things which could be true of the future, examples of how we might fail each other, how it seemed like we had so little faith in Us anymore, at certain points i really wanted to shout with angst and walk away. But I stayed on to finish listening to what he had to say. I cannot remember the words he spoke, but I remember the feeling I had. It was really painful, I couldn’t help or stop crying. As he spoke, I sat there tearing and listening. Even when he was silent, I was still tearing away quietly. Finally I said, if I make it (his graduation/degree) a common goal for me, will it be able to work? He replied maybe. At that point, a small part of me was wondering why he sounded like he couldn’t bother. But I thought again, maybe he didn’t want to make empty promises. Maybe he was just frustrated after all the thrashing out. I was taking a big step to making this relationship work. To me, having a common goal is the least a couple should have, but prior to my question, he pointed out blankly to me that yes, we do not have any common goals.  At the end of it, I guess he was really moved by my proposition, he asked, why do you love me so much. I don’t think i really answered his question. But after that, I could feel our hearts meet again. And I could truly smile from the bottom of my heart again. 

And today is 24 September 2011, I’m missing my dear as I’m writing this. We took this photo the week before he left for USA. It’s one of my favourite photos because I am so loved by him! I’m so happy that we have resolved all our differences, doubts and insecurities. We have matured in this relationship and our love is also stronger now. 

marvelousmatrimony:

Watch this tutorial to get this pretty look! (via Wrap Around French Braid, pinterest)

marvelousmatrimony:

This would be for after the ceremony ;) (via we heart it)

For man its fans. Lol! Reminds me of Ben…

(via fuckyeahweddingideas)